Congratulations to our most honourable, admirable, inspiring and ingenious Sampath Ji for the award he received in London honouring his fantastic journalism in a fantastic, highly secure(esp. for girl children), ultra-secular and only-modern India.
But I should admit, I was a bit disappointed with the interview part. Not the interview as a whole but, the venue was sombre for your standards. Last time around, the Wembley Stadium was bestowed the unique opportunity of hosting you. This time our bhakts allover the universe expected that you would grace the Lords and send a strong message for a Dynasty Mukht World. Disappointed, but still we bow to your feminist credentials which single-handedly helped Elizabeth to ease the burden of working in her old age. Back in India, whole Twitter, partly Facebook and Only Truth News all blasted excitedly about the photo in which Elizabeth was given a chance to talk to you. You care a lot about women, from 8 years old to 92 years old, you always defend the rights of Women. But there was some fake news circulating, especially from colourless, tasteless anti-Indians who pointed out the absence of interpreters between Elizabeth and you. But do they know that you are a master of all Vedas. And English was present in ancient India itself, or else how the name for Rig Veda came! We gave our titles in English and English to English.
Anyways my disappointment vanished when you started speaking in the Interview. There is not a single person in this whole world; leave this world, in the whole universe, who could have answered to those visceral questions so majestically as you. It looked as if the whole interview was scripted but come on, the whole World knows you take only unplanned and unprecedented ones. You are the epitome of One Atman which Ramanuja mentioned in Vishishtdvaita. But I should tell you about this one fellow from some North-East of Our India, some Bip or Deb, no attractive name like yours. But his wisdom flooded the Only True News Media portals and even outdid some of yours in the past one week. And he seems to possess greater skills also. Like he is asking very difficult questions and answers all those himself. Potential contender? But luckily all the anti-Indian elements have castigated him and also he is a devout follower of your prophecies. He could be our 12th man, very useful and knowledgeable in spreading only good news. But please do keep an eye on him.
And as your fan, I must admit, all through the interview, your answers were very plain, saffron fair and butter biscuit like. We missed the roar of yours that is so attractive that it seems, some Lions back in Gujarat have started copying it from you. But your calm voice, I guess was because of the Mouna Viradham you upheld for the last two weeks for commemorating Ambedkar Jayanti and also for issuing a strong statement against the anti-Indian anti-woman elements of our country. We all know how much you love and miss Dr Ambedkar, only if he had lived to receive your unconditional love he would have been blessed. And for standing for the rights of Women, there is no bigger feminist than you, more than any esteemed feminists like some Donald Duck of United States. But as the President, Chairman, Chief Justice, Secretary and Member of your Mitron Sena and Saccha Bharat Bhakt Sena, am duty obliged to tell you, you must start learning some acting skills. Our India knows how much you hate acting, as you are a Dharma Yogi. But still, we can use it effectively to harness our nationalistic hue as all our opponents, especially the anti-Indian elements are very poor in this acting skills. Also we can have an informal summit with Hollywood and tell them overtly until you are alive, Our India is not an ‘Oscar-Mukht Bharat’.
So, a humble reminder, there is a drama troupe arriving in Karnataka from May 1 to May 12 named ‘Na Khaunga na Khane Dunha’, you can surely use that stage to learn and unfold some tricks; tricks of genuine acting. It would be the best stage to execute your dream of a ‘ Con-Less Bharat’. As a very strictly only INDIAN patriotic bhakt and also the the President, Chairman, Chief Justice, Secretary and Member of your Mitron Sena and Saccha Bharat Bhakt Sena, it is my lifelong dream to see you as the President of United States of Hindustan and also watch you bless the Nobel Prize in your hands for spreading secularism.
Thank You! You are a gift and inspiration and a brand to all the coffee sellers across the Universe.
Ayoo! I forgot, please do not attend an interview with that Pj fellow again. He asks such difficult questions(could be a Pakistani export) and also he did not ask about the secret of your 56-inch chest. No worries, we all know Ji. It is inflated by your love for Muslims, STs, Ambedkarites, Good-betas, Safe-betis, whitemoney Indians and strictly no room for ‘Con-less people’.
ps: I am a die-slow fan of Sampath sir and trying earnestly and honestly to be his ersatz version. And also am the President, Chairman, Chief Justice, Secretary and Member of ‘Allegedly Mr Mathrubootham Sena’. I would be gratified and feel honoured if you can make Sampath Sir read my crass article, even if it means he is going to lose his sleep for the next whole week.